Thinking about spring flowers is a wonderful way to spend an afternoon. Scrolling through pictures of last spring reminds me of the many daffodils that bloom around Wexford Woods. It also reminds me of Aunt Mary, my aunt who passed away last year and adored daffodils.
The daffodil comes back every year. No extra watering is required. They come back, again and again.
The hope of spring reminds me that better days are coming. My father seemed quite alert on our FaceTime call last night. He even remembered the date of his birthday! I hope we can celebrate it in a grand way. I hope we can have the picnic he always speaks about so fondly.
“He seems to be giving up,” Nurse Tiffany commented. The words pierced like a sword. My mind traveled back to when my mother did the same thing after her surgery. Waves of sadness seemed to surround me as I listened to the rest of her comments. ” He barely eats anything and it’s a struggle to wake him up,” she explained.
The January vaccination date seems so far away, but will it help? Will he be able to recover from these long days away from people?
“The Christmas card of your family a few years ago was so nice. No Christmas cards anymore?’ I texted my brother.
“No, Hope stopped. We hardly get any cards anymore.”
The tradition of sending and receiving Christmas cards was a highly anticipated event in my family. I remember my mother sitting at the table writing a list and then carefully corresponding with each one. She proudly displayed the cards on either a string wrapped on the staircase banister or placed them in a basket. Throwing them away was never an option and she tended to display them year after year.
2020 Christmas card
Despite some people stopping the tradition of Christmas cards, I resist. Although I don’t send them to everyone, I do try to keep this tradition going.
It makes me think about other letter writing. Chloe introduced me to the Letter Project, https://www.toloveourselves.com/ where girls and women ages 13 and older make it a point to send letters to those who need encouragement. What an amazing project! Inspiring!
What would our society look like if everyone made it a point to send letters to others this year? The thought merits discussion and action as we enter a new year, 2021.
As I walk among the woods and usually take this path, Tower Trail, I often reflect upon the last year. It was definitely a year of change for all.
As I look ahead, I think about Corey’s end to high school which has been quite unusual. Who starts a new high school as a junior, then changes to distance learning, then heads back as a senior and ends the year distance learning again? I hope his January return will be more normal and fun.
As I look ahead, I get excited for the day when my father will receive the vaccine. I am hoping it will be very soon and am thinking of the possibilities. Where will we take him? What will he want to do?
This will be my new challenge for him: create a list of things you want to do once he receives the vaccine. I can’t wait!
The picture says it all- Home. This year marks one of our first times being in our actual home at Christmas. Michigan is usually our destination, but this year is different. However, in all things give thanks. Thanks for a warm home, thanks for our family, and thanks for the gift of Jesus.
Walking in the woods on a brisk cold winter day is another reason for giving thanks. The creek, partially frozen, provides beauty. Thank you, God, for another day to live and breathe.
And then, my father– This, picture, taken last year, reminds me of what I will keep hoping for this year. I am hoping and praying for the day when he can freely enter and exit Waterford. We can take him out to Bob Evans, Burger King, or wherever he wants to go! The day is coming! We will rejoice!
God provided in a variety of ways after my mom passed away. At most retirement facilities I visited, it seemed like females outnumbered males, so a male friend was a luxury. Ellsworth was definitely that friend. Often, I would enter Royal Park and see Ellsworth in my dad’s room, engaged in lengthy conversation centering around farm-related activities. I often stopped to thank God for Ellsworth as I believe that he was an answer to my father’s recovery after Mom’s passing.
I learned today, from his son’s phone call, that Ellsworth passed away.
Memories of last year flooded my thoughts. I remember rushing to the local hospital after learning that Ellsworth was admitted and seeing him on the bed. Entering the hospital room, I saw him and immediately rushed out of the room, filled with emotion. His son, Dave, had to comfort me! What a strange thing!
And now Ellsworth is home with his Lord and Savior. Thank you, Ellsworth, for being the beacon of light to my father during his darkest moments. You truly offered hope to all of us during a time of mourning. Your friendship to my father will always be one of God’s best gifts.
When people learn that we visited London, they don’t usually ask about Handel’s home. Tucked away is this small home which was also home to Jimi Hendrix. The contrast is hard to miss.
One of the best gifts my mother provided me was the gift of music. She always played parts of the Messiah at Christmas. She encouraged me to participate in the Easter and Christmas Hallelujah chorus at First Cutlerville. We frequently viewed parts of it after opening presents on Christmas Eve. I can hear her comments on the various soloists and the incredible voices of the choir. We also discussed composers like Handel, Bach, and Beethoven.
She would be so proud to know that Chloe sang in a Messiah choir in Dublin last year. I wish she was still alive to know this fact.
I wonder what she would say on how the Messiah is being played this year. Due to the pandemic, musicians have gathered separately but joined to create a beautiful composition. It is amazing and makes me ponder on what kind of music is taking place in heaven. All glory to Him. https://youtu.be/grO7dpnuezc
As Saturday, December 19 drew closer, I found myself feeling more and more excited to see my father, even through the window. I decided that we needed to bring our smallest Christmas tree to add to the festivities. My head brimmed with the possibilities of how to be creative despite the distance. Additionally, we brought gifts: a new water bottle and our Christmas card.
As we entered Waterford’s parking lot, I scanned the outside. What window would be used?
After receiving instructions from the greeter, we waited outside. Amanda, a nurse, came to chat. “He didn’t eat anything today, ” she shared. My mind went back to my mother who also quit eating at times. I tried to encourage Amanda. “How are you holding up?” Her simple answer of “okay” spoke volumes. How can these people continually watch the sadness every day?
As I peered through the window, I saw people I remembered when volunteering. I observed their changes and remembered the SAIDO sessions.
Finally, the nurse wheeled Dad up to the window. The interaction started with a series of charades as I pointed to the Christmas tree, took my mask off so he recognized me, and then used the phone to communicate. Unfortunately, he seemed confused and ended up falling asleep. After a mere 10 minutes, we packed up to head on our way.
While driving home, we ended up Facetiming which seemed to yield better results until the end. Using the Emojis always makes him laugh, but as the conversation continued, his tears dominated the conversation. ” I am so lonely, ” he cried. How can I answer? God is our refuge, I texted him. The piercing cries reminded me of the desperation felt by him and so many others who cannot interact with loved ones. How much longer? When will it end?
When dealing with young children, one often uses diversions to help ease challenging situations. Sometimes it is distracting with a toy or a sound. It often works. The same is true for my father.
I have finally been able to connect with my father via Facetime on a more consistent basis. The last time was quite comical. When he started complaining about his life, I was able to use silly emojis to distract him. It was quite effective and he stopped his grumbling to focus on the strange puppets. “Do you use those in school?” he asked.
Diversion tactics work with other people as well. A thanksgiving video filled with art and happy children reminds others of the blessings we enjoy. Yes, the pandemic is challenging, but God is faithful.
Another diversion tactic– the weather! Indiana’s warm weather brings joy and relief to so many.
The Thanksgiving holiday is another diversion tactic. It’s God saying to us- Look at what I have provided for you.
It greets me every morning and welcomes me at the end of the day. A treasure filled with illustrations reminding me of God’s truths is my Bible.
The verse on the cover says it all: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6.
Trusting in the Lord with all your heart means that I must trust that we made the right decision to send Corey to high school in another state. I need to be at rest with the fact that I will not be a part of any of the senior activities, although they may be limited during the pandemic anyway.
Even though I know that my father could pass away without a visit in such a long time, I must trust God’s ways. I need to understand that God’s ways are not my ways. If He chooses to take him before the pandemic is over, I must be able to trust that He knows the length of my father’s life. God directs my father’s paths, not me.
Trusting in the Lord with all your heart means that I must be patient in affliction and deal with a myriad of decisions that people do or do not like. I need to let things brush off my shoulders even though the pain is intense. I need to constantly remember the words, “The Lord is with you mighty warrior”.
Trusting in the Lord means that friends who I thought were friends may react in a way that feels like betrayal, but I need to trust that God has a plan for that situation. Despite my feelings of discouragement, God is using everything for His glory.
Trusting in the Lord with all your heart means that I must trust that He is in control of outcomes. These include but are not limited to COVID tests, biopsies of relatives and friends, a seventeen year old driving back and forth from Michigan amidst busy traffic, and the pandemic that never seems to end.
Trusting in the Lord with all your heart means that each day is a gift and not a challenge.
Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God” as the journey continues.
A Journey Worth Remembering 