Caregiving 101- phone calling

If I were actually teaching the class, “Caregiving 101″ a section would be devoted to phone calling. My father always ends our phone calls with words of appreciation and how my phone calls lift his spirits. It’s not like the words I utter are profound. I merely offer words of encouragement for his day, encourage him to write in his journal, read his Bible, and remember certain phrases like, ” Keep your chin up” or a phrase I saw on a student’s shirt, ” Be positive like a proton.” However, I sense a despondency within him and struggle to find the words and activities that will steer him into a positive mindset. His sleep deprivation, a definite link to his moods, is an issue, but does he sense a change in her that leaves him helpless? Do my phone calls actually change his outlook or merely allow him to verbalize his frustration over not being able to change the current situation?

Hours after completing my Sunday phone call, I came to the stark realization about the phone calls to my parents. At first, I unknowingly denied it, but then it became clear: my mother was not talking on the phone any more. Waves of deep sadness assailed me as I analyzed her behavior. My brother pointed out that she hadn’t been talking for some time. Has the phone become a confusing method of communication, an abstract concept too hard to grasp? Is it like a toddler who first figures out how to talk to an unseen person on the other end?

Judy Cornish, creator and author of the DAWN method, offers a variety of tips such as treating a phone call as a chance to brighten their day and share a happy childhood memory. I appreciated her tips and want to read more of her website: http://www.thedawnmethod.com, but what about a person who doesn’t want to talk on the phone like my mother? Her recent comment, when asked if she wanted to talk to me, was: “I’m busy”. Maybe we should have tried harder and just gave her the phone instead of asking. Maybe he should put the phone on speaker mode so she can hear my voice better. But… is there a point when older people cease phone communication?

Assignment: try using the phone in different manner than usual. Instead of asking someone with dementia if they want to talk, place the receiver by the ear so the voice is recognized. I will be seeing them tomorrow and hope the results are positive. Journeying into this area of dementia means taking risks and being willing to experiment just like the regular classroom.