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My eyes welled up with tears as I listened to my father describe how he didn’t know where to find my mother. ” I couldn’t remember where she was, so I walked down the hall and asked a staff person I recognized”. The vision of him, using his walker, shuffling through Royal Park’s hallways made me weep.

Besides feeling sadness hearing him recount this event, it made me want to research brain science. How does the brain work when a spouse sees his beloved wife deal with pain? Does his memory, already eroding, change faster? Does the stress and sadness cause memory loss to increase?

In our conversation, I realized that there were other things he could not remember. The conversation, that he should avoid bread because of stomachaches, only happened yesterday, but… he had no recollection of it.

How do you change the course of the brain?? Does strengthening help?

My father, despite being a Dutch immigrant and not well-versed in the English language, always enjoys writing. So… I gave him an assignment. Write poems for Mom. Will this strengthen his brainpower? Time will tell.

If Caregiving 101 was an actual class offered, many would agree that it’s one we often repeat throughout the course of our lives. Taking care of young children, sometimes the first experience, can be daunting at times. Taking care of young children is a definite sacrifice as sleep patterns change, a clean house changes into a toy-cluttered one, and social activities revolve around a child’s nap patterns. Conversations with others, usually short and disjointed, sometimes never resumes. The question”What were we talking about again?” may repeat on a daily basis. Driving children to a variety of activities is a different type of caregiving as the young child develops into a middle schooler. When your child, a newly licensed driver, drives off with your vehicle, sacrifice occurs again as you change your schedule and hope for safe return.

The experience of a broken bone or surgery quickly causes one to learn how to be a caregiver. When Corey broke his arm while riding a tandem bike, taking care of his needs became paramount during a hot summer. Keeping him comfortable, helping him elevate his arm, and other tasks kept me busy, but it was temporary. Chloe, while a high school senior, tore her ACL and miniscus while playing soccer. She needed help during and after the surgery, although her story may differ because of her strong independent personality!

Now– caregiving is at a different level with parents. How do you step into this role as a child to an aging parent? How do you assert yourself when the person is older and wiser in so many ways?

When I overruled my father’s wishes to stay overnight in the hospital without me, it took persistence. “Why not? he questioned. ” I want to do this for her!” Thankfully, he ended up agreeing, but not all decisions will go as well.

Another part to caregiving is sacrificing your own desires for those who need care. In a recent conversation with a friend, she remarked on the non- existence of vacation this summer due to the medical needs of aging family members. On the flip side, I canceled an upcoming colonoscopy due to the busyness of driving to Michigan and preparing for a Michigan move. Trust me– no tears on that decision!

My first assignment, coming up next Wednesday, is to help my mom at her first post- surgery appointment. Remembering her appointment as well as completing the myriad of tasks when moving is no small undertaking! Navigating the Michigan roadways, easy for those who live there but something I need to review, is another part of this adventure.

Despite all of these thoughts and feelings, 1 Timothy 5:8 reminds me of the importance of taking care of our loved ones. “If anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Taking care of aging parents, while not easy, is a task God values. Knowing that God orchestrated this entire journey provides a deep peace.

Driving back and forth to Michigan allows time to reflect and ponder upon my mother’s dementia. How does it start? My sister-in-law and I chatted about different events we recalled. Like– what about the time when I drove my parents to DC to see my aunt and she wanted to leave the next day? What about the times when she wanted to leave our Thanksgiving dinner within hours of starting it? Were these signs??

Today, when visiting her in the rehab facility, she kept talking about getting the meat out of the oven, specifically the meat loaf. Thursday nights were always meat loaf while growing up. Does the mind go back in time like that?

Many times, I just answer her questions but often it is difficult to stifle the laughter. When she learned that Caden has a girlfriend, her question “Does he know what to do with her?” caused us to howl with laughter.

It is difficult to know if the dementia will hinder her recovery. Last night, she fell off her bed. Michigan recently passed a law against guard rails on medical beds in certain facilities. The crazy thing is that my sister-in-law, a registered nurse expressed concern about her bed last night! Thankfully, she does not have any broken bones, although her shoulder is very painful.

While at their condo today, a resident remarked,” Life is tough”, but I replied, ” But God is still good”. His faithfulness stays constant even though our health fluctuates.

This edited verse from Esther 4:14 became painfully clear as I witnessed my rapidly aging mother deal with a broken femur this past Wednesday. Being able to transport my father to the ER, helping medical personnel deal with her challenging behavior quickly validated the reasoning for this Michigan adventure. I initially drove up to Michigan to accomplish a list of tasks: interview for a teaching position, take Corey to his first soccer practice at South, see my in-laws, and end with decluttering my parents’ closets. However, everything changed when staff knocked at the door. “Your mom fell”. Rushing to the public bathroom, I found her on the tile floor with an aide by her side and my father sitting in his walker chair. Apparently, she stopped to use the rest room on the way back from lunch and stumbled. The ambulance transported her to the emergency room. My father bowed his head and started crying. It was a difficult sight.

Despite everything, she ended up having surgery the very next morning. The surgery, surprisingly short, is only part of her recovery. Rehab is the next course of action. Her dementia is also part of the challenge.

On the first night, my father announced he wanted to stay overnight at the hospital. Thinking about the possibility of him falling as well, I decided to join him. During the time together, I witnessed the incredible devotion he has for my mother. Is this devotion and faithfulness evident in me toward my husband? He wrestled with the idea of staying in his own condo the second night. Watching him get up several times during the night validated my reasoning. He needed to be in his own environment.

Feelings of guilt, frustration, and sadness battled my father during that night so it was a blessing to stay with him. Writing his feelings and focusing on gratitude allowed him to stay away from negative thoughts. Our conversation veered into past times with his parents, their brave actions during the war, and what lessons can be learned. Focusing on others is one way to help negativity lessen.

Through it all, I could see God’s faithfulness at work. The medical team, patient as ever, took such good care of my mom and did everything possible to ease her pain. My favorite memory is the meat man at Family Fare, the local grocery store, who provided me with a bag of ice for my dad’s lunch. A little bit of kindness in a time of need gives hope and encouragement.

During this time, I learned that I did not get the teaching position for which I interviewed. I do still need a job, but God is faithful and will provide.

As we begin another week, who knows how God will reveal himself again?

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

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Here I am, with Mitch and Corey, ready to embark on a year long adventure in Michigan. Why Michigan, you may ask?

This adventure began with the school year, specifically August of 2018, when I know I heard God say to me, “This will be a year of pivotal change”. Indeed, it was true as the principal announced he was leaving in January, the current second grade class was the only one, and some kind of rest/sabbatical for Mitch seemed to be a focus of discussion. But where would we go? How would we deal with Corey’s schooling? What about my teaching position? Would we go overseas or not? What about our other children, college students? Would they be affected or not?

It seemed so unclear at times, but one thing was certain: to accomplish this goal, I would need to inform the school that I would not be returning the next year. This decision solved the need to figure out the third grade class because only one teacher was needed. But what about my position? Will it be there when I return? Is it fair to ask a school to do this? No, it is not and I would not do that to Lafayette Christian as I know about the unpredictability of a school budget.

As the school year drew to a close, it seemed surreal. Was I really packing up everything and possibly not returning?

Twinges of sadness filled my thoughts as I decluttered and organized my classroom for nine days. Within days, it was transformed into a new room for the next year.

Despite the twinges, I also experienced twinges of excitement. Where would I be next year? Teaching? Or something else?? God will pave the way, I kept saying.

During the month of June, Mitch, Corey, and I drove to East Lansing several times, thinking it would be our new home. However, after several attempts at house purchasing, we decided that East Lansing was not the place for us and decided upon– Grand Rapids! After more attempts at house purchasing, we decided that renting a house was a better idea. But where?

Corey, a soccer player, expressed his desire to attend a bigger high school than his previous one. That desire, coupled with our desire for a Christian high school led us right to my alma mater, South Christian! However, this proved to be another obstacle. In order for him to play, we needed to locate a home within the area of South Christian. This meant that we cannot reside in an area close to any other Christian high school. Some homes were closer to Grand Rapids Christian and it was only a tenth of a mile difference!

Persistence paid off and we located a rental within walking distance of South Christian. Thank you, God!

At times, I have seriously questioned our idea to move to Michigan for the year, but it was definitely validated when I visited my parents, living in a condo in Zeeland, Michigan. My brother has been faithfully taking care of their needs. It is time for me to increase my help, whether it is cleaning, organizing, or visiting. My mother, recently diagnosed with dementia, seems to be aging quickly. My father, in good health besides his hearing and mobility issues, needs companionship and encouragement to be active. My mother-in-law, another important person in our lives, is also battling health issues. Spending time with both sets of parents will be a priority when we settle in our new home.

As we begin this adventure, I am filled with gratefulness at how God has paved the way and know that He will continue to open doors to where He wants us to be and who He wants us to become.