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Sending and receiving Christmas cards is one of my favorite parts about the season. There is something very special about opening one, thinking about the sender, and then placing it in the house as part of the Christmas decorations. One tradition is prayer over the Christmas card. After the holidays are over, I place the cards in a box and then we pray over each family or friend who sent the card.

This year, I helped my father send out his Christmas cards as well. He carefully wrote each one, including some kind of reference to my mother. It was strange not to see my mother’s name beside his greeting and reminded me of her absence.

Some people have given up on Christmas cards and say that Facebook is the only way to send greetings, but I disagree. Receiving and sending Christmas cards is a personal way to reconnect with friends and family.

I decided to include our family Christmas letter here rather than in the card. It is another way for us to remember this journey.

December 2019

Dear friends and family, 

We want to wish you a wonderful holiday season as you celebrate Christmas and the new year- 2020. 2019 was a year of blessings despite the challenges. An acrostic poem sums it up:

M any changes occurred in our family.  Chloe is spending a semester abroad in Dublin and hopes to return on December 22. Caden started his college experience as a Purdue freshman. Corey switched high schools and is attending Grand Rapids South Christian.  Michelle left her teaching position at Lafayette Christian and is now a substitute teacher employed by Edustaff. 

E ntertained by our labrador, Kenai, named after Kenai Peninsula in Alaska. 

R ewarding times with family include Sunday dinners. Yum!

R econnecting with Michigan friends is definitely a blessing!

Y ou may be wondering what we are actually doing in Michigan. You can read about it at Michelle’s blog: chelleren.travel.blog

C hloe is a junior at Purdue, majoring in dietetics with the eventual goal of being a physician’s assistant, Caden is majoring in biochemistry with the goal of being a surgeon, and Corey, age 16, recently received his driver’s license. 

Happy moment of 2019 included Caden’s high school graduation and being able to have his open house in an outside tent even though it rained buckets in the morning!

R ealized that we have been moving and decluttering since May– Michelle’s classroom, Chloe’s various apartments, Caden’s dorm, a move to MI, and many moves for my parents in various health care facilities

Incredible to see how God orchestrated this entire year so we could help Michelle’s aging parents

Sad to say goodbye to my mother on September 9 and my brother’s father-in-law on October 28

Thankful to find a rental right near South Christian High School. We love living right near the school!

Mitch’s job status is a change of duty which means that he will be at MI State for several months this year.

A dditional address– 1891 76th Street Caledonia, MI 49316– through July 2020

Saido training is something Michelle decided to do after her mom passed away. She tries to volunteer at Waterford once a week where patients with dementia receive this type of brain therapy.

At times, we marvel at how this journey evolves. But why do we? The King of the World shows His ways repeatedly. We just need to look and believe. All glory to Him.

While subbing in the different schools, I observe many students creating crafts and projects. I love seeing all the art because it reminds me how students are uniquely created in His image. At Christmas, one project that particularly stands out is the parent gift.

One fact most parents probably don’t realize is how some teachers agonize over this part of Christmas. What is the best thing to do? What will withstand time? What is an easy project that can be finished in time for Christmas? What is a craft not duplicated in other grades? The questions continue until finally one is chosen.

One of my favorite crafts is the Christmas tree craft. I somehow discovered a roll of incredible fabric in the upstairs junk room of our school. Students painted their hands to make a Christmas tree. It was a large project. We wrapped it with the butcher block paper found in the supply closet. When that fabric was used up, I decided to purchase small canvas boards to create the same project.

While cleaning out my parents’ condo, I discovered one Christmas project my mother put out every year: the Christmas candle. I still remember how she placed it in a prominent place in the house and then asked me, “Do you remember this?” Of course, I did and still do.

While subbing, I met the daughter of my kindergarten teacher. I couldn’t believe it! I had to hug her. She is a fourth grade teacher, carrying on her mom’s talents. I knew I had to have a picture with her and the candle because it needed to be included in this journey.

When I entered the fourth grade room, I had to share the moment with the fourth graders. They need to know how much moms treasure the Christmas crafts for years and years. It was another precious memory of my mother as the journey continues.

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Because Mitch’s parents winter in Florida, the Tuinstra family gathers together the Saturday after Thanksgiving to celebrate an early Christmas. The advantage about celebrating early is that everyone is able to attend without the other conflicts. Somehow all forty plus people manage to find room in the Shelbyville home. Nobody leaves hungry!

Surprisingly, I felt my eyes fill with tears at various moments. I feel a sense of sadness that my in-laws are leaving for Florida soon. Why? I never felt this way in other years. I kept thinking about my mother and how she will not be celebrating Christmas with us. I also experienced it while talking with my brother-in-law as he reminded me that God is in control our lives as we conversed about the way this year has unfolded.

I know that December will be filled with all types of these memories as the journey continues.

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One of my favorite newer songs by Steven Curtis Chapman reminds me of the importance of remembering God’s promises.

I think that is why Thanksgiving continues to be one of my favorite holidays. Words like grateful, blessed, and thankful can be found posted in various public places. Store advertisements include the words, “Happy Thanksgiving”. You cannot avoid it.

It was definitely sad not to see my mother and my brother’s father-in-law at the table yesterday. It was only a year ago when they were commenting on the meal Chloe created! I felt the need to write a prayer for yesterday’s meal. Here it is:

Scripture references: Psalm 29:2 and 1 Thessalonians 5: 18

Dear Lord in heaven,

We praise you for your faithfulness, your love, and your gift to us of salvation. You are sovereign in all your ways and never change. Thank you for your goodness you have shown to use in 2019– our jobs, our education, our families, and your provision of health care for Phil and Marianne. Thank you for the celebration of their lives that pointed to You. We confess that sometimes we don’t want to thank you for this year. It was a year that was and continues to be tearful at moments. We miss Phil and Marianne deeply and yet we rejoice they are with you. But… it’s hard. Thank you for blessing us with laughter in the midst of it all– for the moment we laughed hysterically during funeral planning, for these funny Michigan phrases like Feel the Zeel and Smitten with the Mitten. Thank you for people who send flowers, cards, texts, emails, and food reminding us of your faithfulness. Thank you for memories of Marianne’s King peppermints scattered in various places and Phil’s reconstruction of furniture. The list could go on and on. Help us, Lord, to be more compassionate, more Christ-like, and always choose joy. Bless the food we are about to eat. IN YOUR MOST HOLY NAME, AMEN.

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As the holidays draw closer, past memories seem to inhabit my mind. While cleaning the last little bit of the condo, I found myself thinking about my parents’ dresser, now located in a thrift shop. I recalled my mother standing in front of the mirror, putting on her clip-on earrings. I could hardly believe that the metal chairs on the patio were the same ones we used on the Fourth of July while eating Kentucky Fried Chicken. The condo, almost ready for the next inhabitants, seemed cold and lifeless. Today, my father seemed to be thinking about past memories just like me.

“What was the date when Mom passed away?” he asked. “September 9,” I answered. “It seems like a year ago,” he replied. I agreed with him. The conversation then veered to the actual events. He seemed to be replaying the last several months. When I provided the timeline of events, he was surprised. ” I don’t remember any of that,” he stated, as tears started forming in his eyes. Pictures of the events on my phone seemed surprising to him as well. As we continued scrolling through the photos, his grief seemed to escalate. Realizing that it was too much, I put the phone away. “Come on, Dad! Let’s go look at the Christmas trees around Royal Park!” I encouraged. After several attempts, he finally climbed into his wheelchair for a quick stroll around Royal Park. Their Christmas decorating is truly a sight for all to see. It was a temporary reprieve from sadness and a moment of happiness.

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At times, the comparisons are so similar. I often marvel at the Dutch names found on streets, cemeteries, school lists, and cities. Living in an area where I don’t need to spell out every letter of my last name is refreshing! Even though I grew up around here, I find myself in unfamiliar areas at least once per week which is a fun challenge. However, I find myself wishing for moments when I can curl up in my West Lafayette home, stop paying on two homes, end the constant back and forth travel, and have a normal life. I often felt this way in the Netherlands, but it was a stronger feeling.

But there are differences. Our family is not really together. Mitch is here on the weekends, but he is mostly in West Lafayette during the week. Chloe is in Ireland, for a semester abroad. Caden is at Purdue and comes to Michigan when available. Corey and I are together, but it seems strange at times because I often feel like a single mother. This may change next semester when Mitch will be here for the winter months. We will be staying in Michigan until July of next year, longer than our Dutch adventure.

Despite the differences and similarities, I feel myself being stretched in amazing ways. Living in the Netherlands for almost 5 months made me more flexible in unknown situations. I find myself feeling the same way now when I enter unknown classrooms. I never quite know what curriculum I will be using, the order of the day, or sometimes where the bathrooms are located! Last week, we had a power outage at the rental. This provided another way to become flexible. How do you get out of the garage?

Amidst it all, God is still faithful. He knows the path and orchestrates our days. I marvel at Him, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He planned this Michigan adventure out. I need to trust in his goodness.

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Before moving to Michigan, I joked with a friend about opening a business with the name of endlesscleaning.com. She asked me if I was serious. In some ways, I have opened that business, except for the fact that it’s non-profit. Since May, I have been cleaning out all kinds of areas: my classroom, parts of my basement, this rental, various medical rooms where my parents stayed, and the condo.

This past week, I returned to the condo for another cleaning. My dad remarked, “It seems like you are always cleaning it.” Hmm.. that is probably because it takes several cleanings to feel like it is finished. I started with decluttering, then clean #1 followed by several other deep cleans. The most recent cleaning filled me with great joy that most people would merely dismiss– the microwave. I wish I had taken a photo of the disgusting food particles clinging to the top and bottom, stuck there since an undetermined date. But— then came victory! Using a simple recipe of vinegar and water, the hardened particles became a mass of liquid, easy to wipe. I felt like doing cartwheels! Some particles still remain, so I will return for one more cleaning. In the meantime, however, I am celebrating!

The celebrating continues because we now have a renter for the condo. My father’s accumulating bills can be paid and one more item is checked off our list as this journey continues.

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With Thanksgiving almost here, topics of conversation often revolve around food. The grocery stores are bustling with customers loading carts with turkeys, pies, rolls, and other ingredients that will make the meal complete. While subbing this past week, students discussed different food items they enjoy.

Chloe, our daughter, has cooked the entire Thanksgiving meal for several years , much to the amazement of us all. She starts creating the menu in advance, sometimes even in September. Last year, she cooked the meal in her aunt’s kitchen. However, Chloe is still in Ireland.

Two members, who enjoyed the plethora of food last year, are enjoying a heavenly feast– my mother, and Phil, my brother’s father-in-law. What will this new Thanksgiving feel like without their presence?

As in most family celebrations, each family is assigned certain dishes. This year, my task is to bring the stuffing, craft/ supplies, and the sweet potato dish. The craft and sweet potato dish are easy tasks, but the stuffing generates more thought. My sister-in-law has already stated that she will deeply miss her father’s famous stuffing. How can you beat that? Do I create a stuffing somewhat similar? Should I create a stuffing so different that it doesn’t even compare but is still tasty?

As I read through the various recipes, I know that we won’t be able to come close to the memories associated with her dear father. But I can work hard to make a scrumptious stuffing that others will enjoy.

My mom frequently encouraged me to write a book, a comment that always made me smile. Me? An author? However, I enjoyed writing as an elementary student and entered several contests. I also enjoy teaching writing to elementary children, although it can be quite a process!

While on our first sabbatical, I created an ABC book about the Netherlands. It was a fun way to remember the various spots we visited. After returning, I shared the book with elementary students in Kansas. It was also part of a class assignment at Kansas State University.

While on a hike in our Indiana woods, a different book idea came to mind and it was all because of a leaf. The mitten-shaped sassafras leaf, beautiful and fragile, provided the title, Smitten with the Mitten, and content came to mind. After writing it, I decided to share it with a group of first graders while subbing. Their comments, honest and helpful, allowed me to evaluate the first draft. Here are some of their suggestions: It needs color, add more characters, make it longer, add animals, name an animal after a student, have the characters holding animals, add more art, add a sun and moon if possible, and include a hamster named Harwell. I hope to finish the book and read it to another group this week. I can’t wait to hear their suggestions!

I also plan on showing my writing to my father who also enjoys writing. Maybe it will be another way to encourage him in his writing.

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After several days of playing phone tag, the nurse and I finally connected. Her words brought a sense of dread. “Your dad has dementia,”she explained. I stood in stunned silence, not wanting to accept it but knowing I had seen the signs. I tried to categorize the level and she provided the number fourteen. I didn’t really understand the number and mentally noted to research later.

I continue to mull over the diagnosis. Will the SAIDO training I received help him? The last time I encouraged him to complete math problems, it backfired. Should I try more difficult problems instead? Will he end up at Waterford? Would this early diagnosis prolong his life, unlike my mother who never received an official evaluation? Do most elders, termed by the nurse, end up with dementia? Is it inevitable?

Another struggle is my father’s weight. His arms look scrawny and puny. He doesn’t want to eat lunch and states that he isn’t hungry. The aides have told me that they always try, but what can you do? If someone doesn’t want to eat, they won’t eat. My brother brushes off my concerns, saying that he wouldn’t eat lunch either if he had a big lunch. The fact that my father regularly drinks Ensures helps offset lunch. I have my doubts.

After these types of conversations, I often think of how food is such a challenge for society. At school, teachers are always trying to encourage students to eat as well. They know how nutritious food enables learning. At the other end of the spectrum, nurses constantly encourage elderly patients to eat. Walk into any nursing home facility at mealtimes and you will see nurses serving food, encouraging residents to eat, and sometimes feeding residents, like a mother spooning food to her toddler. It is a never-ending battle– eating well.

My thoughts usually continue and I think about my mother in heaven. What happens in heaven with food? Is there even such a thing? Is there an unlimited amount of food? One website, https://www.compellingtruth.org/food-heaven.html, focused on the words of Revelation 19: 9 where the angel mentioned the wedding supper of the Lamb. In Revelation 7:16, it says, “Never again will they hunger or thirst.” Thinking about the many people who battle food addictions reminds me of this glorious hope and I feel peace.