My recent Christmas present, a book titled The H.E.A. R. T. of Grandparenting by Ken Canfield, included the website: grandkidsmatter.org. The website includes tips and tools on how to be a better grandparent. The article, “The Dangers of Generation Separation” caught my eye. How does a parent make sure that children connect with older people? The article points out the following: Today, as people are living longer, it is not unusual to meet great-grandparents as well as grandparents. I personally know of some families that are blessed with five living generations. To separate the great-great-grandchildren from the great-great-grandparents would be to rob both of great-great blessings.
What a blessing to see my father and in-laws meet Julia! Seeing my father smiling at precious Julia and my in-laws rejoicing in her trip to Florida filled me with gratitude. Thank you, God, for allowing them to see one of God’s best gifts: a baby.
Who still sends Christmas cards? The topic of the article caught my eye since I wish more people would stop saying they are too busy and take the time to send a card.
I found myself nodding at the descriptions of those who take the time to send greetings. The people from my father’s church would match the following definition:
Chapter 3: The Thoughtful Touch: Expressing Sincere Care
For some, Christmas cards are a tangible expression of care. They believe that taking the time to choose a card, write a heartfelt message, and send it snail mail style, is a thoughtful gesture. It’s like a warm holiday hug that arrives right at your doorstep.
Describing a card like a warm holiday hug fit our New Years Day visit with my father. When the conversation lagged and he kept reminding us of his constant fatigue, I walked back to his room to grab some tasty leftover Christmas candy and the pile of Christmas cards on his side table.
” Dad, I can’t believe you received all these cards!” As we started to read and admire each one, his interest peaked.
“Look at this one!’ I pointed out. ” I read each name. Some names he remembered and others he had to think about for awhile.
“Wow! There are so many!” I marveled. “Let’s guess how many you received”. He smiled at my juvenile idea.
“I think there are 30, ” he answered. When I estimated 34 which ended up being the exact amount, he quickly replied, ” You counted them while we read them”. His spirited answer reminded me of how he always enjoys any mathematical activity.
Because the piano seemed to be calling me, we ended the visit with me playing various Christmas songs. He remembered some tunes but not many.
As 2024 begins, I cannot help but wonder: how many more Christmases will we have with my father? Nevertheless, I left with a feeling of gratitude that the Michigan roads were clear and we had the opportunity to see him once again.
Thanksgiving 2023 found us in Holland, MI where we spent several days at my brother’s home. It was a wonderful time to reflect upon God’s goodness amid many laughs. I found it hard to believe that my father was with us for another holiday. Although he was sleepy at times, he did participate and requested a family photo.
My assignment included certain food items but also a Thanksgiving devotion, an easy homework task. God is good!
Snippets of Thanks- 2023
by Michelle Tuinstra
Vocabulary.com defines the word “snippet” as follows:
A snippet is a tiny piece. You might only have time to read a snippet of “Moby Dick” before your early English class — just enough to know it’s a book about a whale.
While a snippet can be a literal fragment of something, like a snippet of hair clipped off the end of your dog’s tail, the word is often used to talk about less physical bits. You may get a snippet of information by watching TV news with the sound turned off, or end your writing workshop with just a snippet of an idea for your screenplay. It comes from snip, with its Low German root snippen, “to snip or shred
In a little while, we can look at our dinner plates. Is your plate full of one main thing or are there snippets of many items?
While pondering this Thanksgiving devotional, I thought of snippets of thanks. Some are my own words and others are little bits or snippets of their thoughts.
Taken from the Caring Bridge website, Lisa Fankfauser, a past member of our church, who has battled cancer since 2004……
“ I completed my final radiation treatment, improving my stats 8-0. I am extremely grateful for my care team. I have not experienced a single side effect from my treatments. I am extremely grateful for another birthday.”
Written by Tim Van Soelen from CACE, the Center for the Advancement of Christian Education:
“ When it comes to gratitude, big things that matter are obvious. But the little things matter, too, don’t they? Since I am traveling, I will offer a quick example of a big thing- an upgrade from a basic room to a suite. Seemingly little- a bottle of water when checking in to the hotel. Both, big and little things– should make our gratitude lists.”
The November 4 funeral of a Kansas friend, Diann, reminded me of thanks in a different way. Her husband’s eulogy statement resonated with me. “ It’s not well with my soul today, but it will be.” In that statement, he acknowledged his sadness but still pointed to a time when he witnessed God’s faithfulness. He thanked God for would be in a better state because of what He was going to do. He also shared other statements of faith. “ God is going to use this.” Colossians 3: 17 “ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of Jesus Christ, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”
The most recent quote from John Maxwell was used for devotions at the school meeting:
“ The surest index of your spiritual and emotional well-being is the degree of gratitude in your life. Grateful people linger over life’s blessings.”
Last, I spent time rereading our Thanksgiving book, A Time to Remember, by Barbara Rainey.
The Pilgrims caught sight of their final destination, a new land where God would be worshiped freely and – in time- where freedom would flourish. Shouting for joy and falling to their knees to pray, they celebrated by reading Psalm 100.
Please join me in reading this Psalm. We will end with a prayer. After you get your plates, please help me fill my book by telling me what you are grateful for this Thanksgiving.
As I wrote in the devotional, one of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions is reading parts of the book, Thanksgiving: A Time to Remember, by Barbara Rainey. You can write your thanks at the end of the book. Our book contains gratitude lists from everyone at our dinner table, starting in 2005! It’s a wonderful way to reflect upon God’s blessings. Happy Thanksgiving!
“Text to self, text to world, text to text” – these strategies found their way into my classroom as I worked to help students comprehend reading selections. I loved hearing about their connections.
While reading Lynn Austin’s book, Chasing Shadows, the connections to my Dutch grandmother seemed to leap out of the pages. The story centers on different families who helped the Jews and others hide during the war.I stopped reading to locate the pictures and my father’s memoirs.
Even though the Germans restricted outside activities after sunset, we didn’t pay too much attention. The young men hiding at our farm felt the need to test these restrictions. One night, they borrowed a few horses from our farm and went on an evening ride. The evening passed quickly and they suddenly realized that they were past curfew. To get back to the farm, they had to pass the German guard. To avoid this guard, they decided to use the horses’ speed to their advantage. They somehow steered the horses to veer as close as possible to the guard, and then speed past before the guard could figure out what was happening. Surprisingly, it worked and they laughed uproariously at their trickery. Despite the seriousness of the war, there were times of fun.
Here is my father, standing with pride in front of his former home where my grandmother hid many people during the war. We could not enter the actual home because people lived there, but the owner allowed us to take a peek. Here is my father, sitting on the steps of the barn.
As I reread the memoirs, I was filled with amazement at my grandmother.
The word ” No” was not in our dictionary, at least not as it related to helping people. After the bombing of Rotterdam, the Dutch Red Cross requested that two boys would be placed in our home. My mother readily agreed. However, she made the condition that they had to be clean. When the two young boys arrived, it was discovered that they had lice. Mother phoned and told the organization that they would have to come and clean them up since she had eight other children at the home. Surprisingly, two women agreed. The pastor’s wife and mayor’s wife came to our home with new clothing and a hair clipper. The boys lived with us several months until other relatives were able to provide care. The same hospitality remained all through the war years.
What a legacy! I hope I can leave the same legacy to my children and now little Julia.
“Baby School starts on October 16,” I texted. The question was understandable. “What’s Baby School?” my friend inquired.
If I had to call it something else, I think it would be Caregiving 106 because it will be unique from any other type of caregiving I have experienced. As I think ahead to the coming week, questions keep coming. Will my granddaughter have a difficult time adjusting to time away from her mom? Will the schedule work? Will I be able to meet new people in the apartment complex? Will our van hold up over the winter months?
Despite the questions, I feel confident about my preparation. The nursery is filled with diapers, wipes,books, and a host of other baby equipment. Surprisingly, the state of Indiana actually has educational standards for infants! Printing them off and placing them in a binder gave me this strange sense of satisfaction. Finding books related to grandparents was an extra boost!
Amidst my preparation, I caught myself filled with a sense of excitement. This is really going to happen! Thanks be to God for providing an opportunity to care for a precious little one! The journey continues…….. I stay tuned to see how God will lead.
Scrolling through my Facebook, I stopped in dismay. My father’s faithful friend, Joan, passed away after recovering from cancer surgery. She picked up my father for church. I immediately texted my brother who responded with minimal surprise. “It’s a risky surgery. At one point, that procedure had a 25% fatality rate.” Regardless of the statistics, I felt a deep sadness and scrolled through my emails to locate her recent messages.
Hi Marcel and Michelle, shared with my John that your dad called him the other day. I don’t believe he knew the Sterks were going to pick him up for me. It tickles me how often he is still able to advocate for himself. Your dad said he enjoyed the women visitors but it would be nice if men came to visit too!!!
I don’t know if I told you that John and Julia Sterk will be picking your Dad up on the 2nd Sundays of Oct. and Nov. Your dad will be really happy about this! The one caveat is it will depend on if they can get his chair into their vehicle. We were going to try it last week but he wasn’t in church. I am writing out instructions for them (nearly finished). My surgery will be this Wednesday. Tonja will be staying with us for 2 weeks, arriving today. Look up the Whipple Procedure if you are interested. It is amazing what “parts” we can live without and the number of “spare parts” there are in our bodies! Joan
I always marveled at her dedication to my father. She picked him up for church despite the obvious inconvenience of distance, his sleepiness, the challenge of getting the wheelchair in her vehicle, and other things I don’t even know about!
Her beautiful obituary summed up her dedication.
Joan was one of God’s angels. She had a huge heart for the less fortunate. She generously gave her time and money when she saw a need. She retired from Hope Network in 2008 and was active in her church and community. She spearheaded an Adult Respite Community Care center, a year-round book club, a maII walking group, and a Heritage Writers club, where people write their life stories. Joan volunteered at many places, including the bread run for Streams, New Life Thrift Store, and VIS. She also enjoyed crafting, painting, photography, and traveling. However, her favorite pastime was attending the sports and activities of her grandchildren.
I spent part of the day, struggling with her passing. She was 81, I rationalized, and lived a long time. She used her time after retirement to help others in many ways. But why did God take her home when she could live longer and help more?
My answer to my own question is this: Her example and legacy reminds me of helping those less fortunate. In the words of John Bunyan, “You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” I hope I can follow her example.
Two years ago, I compiled a list of activities to remember my mother during her birthday month.
Write an encouraging letter to someone – done
Donate to Elim Christian Services, an organization that helps those with special needs- done
Donate to Purdue Campus House, the church where her granddaughter attends- done
Donate blood- done
Work on my book, Pandemic Principal- need to do
Give away items I don’t need– done
Send a box of goodies to her other grandchildren away at college. not done
Write a note to her sister, Janie. She lives by herself. not done
Read a book by Beverly Lewis, one of her favorite authors. not done
Eat Kentucky Fried Chicken. This was really one of her favorites. done
Eat Dove Chocolate (s). donerepeatedly
Order some Dutch peppermints for our family. We actually passed these out at her funeral. done repeatedly
At the beginning of September, I reread, updated, and spent time thinking about other ways to celebrate. Horseback riding never made the list, but my father’s perspective is different.
Holding true to her word, Maddie, his rec therapist, arranged a horse riding experience for my 91-year-old father. Why? He told her it was the one thing he still wanted to do while on earth. The scheduled date of this event coincided with my mother’s birthday.
While driving up to Michigan to witness this epic event, we wondered, ” Is this really going to happen? How? Would he be sleeping through it like he has done while swimming?” Low expectations, an attitude of gratitude, minimalistic thinking— I repeated these phrases as we entered Waterford.
“Are you excited?” I asked as we greeted him in his favorite spot, the courtyard.
“No, I’m sleepy, ” he answered.
” It will be fun!” I encouraged.
“Whatever you say,” was his lackluster reply. Mitch showed him pictures of bucking bronchos, but it confused him while we laughed.
After loading him in my brother’s vehicle and providing a BOOST energy drink, we drove forty minutes to the destination: an equestrian center for therapeutic riding. The sunny day filled us with excitement as we entered the building. We hoped the BOOST would provide the necessary energy.
As we wheeled him into the stables, he briefly awoke. We spent a few moments admiring the horse. He didn’t seem impressed.
The slow process of lifting him on the saddle prompted him to ask, ” Why are you doing this to me?” “You wanted to do this, ” we answered. ” No, I didn’t!” he emphasized. We looked at each other in dismay but then urged him onward. “Only 5 steps, Dad! You can do it!”
He grunted a reply of ” Ow” which made me pause. Was this really a good idea? ” My back hurts! Why are you doing this to me?” he repeated. We looked at each other again.
Despite his obvious displeasure, the patient horse slowly walked, with my father on the saddle, the minimum steps into the arena.
“He did it!” we smiled, triumphantly. Waterford staff took a slew of photos, and then it was over.
Taking a step back, we evaluated the experience. Was it worth it? Will he remember it? Will he be in pain on Monday? I made a mental note to phone Waterford in the coming week.
“We will show him the pictures,” the staff responded. “Good conversation starters, ” added another. We repeatedly thanked them, still in disbelief that it actually happened.
As we parted ways, the instructor chimed in with his thoughts. ” I hope I can ride a horse at 91.”
We ended the day with my brother and my sister-in-law taking my father back to Waterford. It was a memorable way to remember my mother’s birthday and was yet another way we appreciate Waterford staff.
Additude, the magazine that helps those with attention deficit with various strategies, included a list of how to stop losing things. The list,https://www.additudemag.com/how-to-stop-losing-things-simple-rules-adhd/, had the idea of placing the bright tape on items to avoid misplacing them. This may be an idea for my father.
” I can’t find my Bible,” he mentioned at our recent Labor Day visit.
” No problem, Dad, I will find it,” I confidently answered. However, as I searched through his small room, it was nowhere to be found. Seeing his iPad, though, sparked an idea.
Taking it back outside where we usually sat, we spent time showing him how to utilize his iPad to read the Bible. Changing the font, the screen background and the ease of reading without having to turn the pages filled him with amazement. “This is really something!” he muttered to himself.
Inspired by our “lesson”, he continued to investigate the new discovery. We left our visit, thankful for technology and the many ways it can help those with disabilities.
“If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed.” ― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
It would have been wise for me to read the above quote before heading to see my father. When he texted the question, ” When are you coming to visit?” I grew excited and decided that I would take him out to eat, proving that he could still head out to a local eatery. The thought made me smile. I also decided that I would tell my brother after it happened, in case he tried to dissuade me.
Upon arrival at Waterford, I learned that he was in a SAIDO session, the weekly educational enrichment class. I busied myself with the needed task of cleaning out his room of miscellaneous papers no longer needed.
When the nurse returned, wheeling him into the room, his response to my greeting was, ” I’m so tired.” Ignoring him, I announced that it would be a great day to get something to eat. “Whatever,” he answered.
I realized that taking him to a local restaurant would not work, so I wheeled him to Waterford’s restaurant. Seeing that he was sleeping, I decided to take him outside for a walk around the manicured grounds of Waterford. “Let me take your picture!” I urged him, with enthusiasm. ” Yeah,” he muttered, closing his eyes.
Undeterred by his lack of enthusiasm, I wheeled him around the pond. “Isn’t this amazing?” I asked. ” What’s so amazing about it?” he responded. I told him to stop being so grumpy and that Mom would tell him to think positively, but it fell on deaf ears.
After a round around the pond, I located a table at Waterford’s bistro. After ordering him a chicken salad, I encouraged him to eat, but he kept sleeping. Inwardly, I sighed, thinking about the waste of the purchase. A couple sat nearby, enjoying lunch. I noticed that she was feeding him and walked over to start a conversation. She shared how she was a former kindergarten teacher and that her husband was in memory care while she lived independently. I listened to her describe her life and marveled at her lack of bitterness or regret. “We’ve been married for 54 years. It’s been good!
I excused myself from the conversation when I noticed my father looking at me. When he uttered the word, “Bathroom” I felt some panic since we were some distance from the nurses’ station. Taking my father to the bathroom by myself was an adventure to avoid. I decided to ignore his statement and encouraged him to eat. He closed his eyes again.
When he repeated it, I decided to take him seriously and wheeled him back. “Too late,” he stated. The nurse rushed him to the bathroom. Moments later, I noticed the words, “Shower in D 101” on the nurse’s computer screen.
As I sat in the chair, the phrase ” high expectations” came to mind. I often have high expectations for our visits. By now, I should know that low expectations work better. Why is this so difficult?
When the nurse wheeled him back to me, I decided that the visit was over and headed out for some thrift shopping, a favorite hobby. While shopping, discouragement set in, like a dark fog. Why did I even come here? Driving back to Indiana sounded like a good alternative. However, an anticipated visit with a dear friend kept me in Michigan overnight.
I gave the next day a title: A 360-Degree Turnaround. He was still in his wheelchair, of course, but he was conversing and agreeable to my ideas of working on a word search and coloring. He ate the entire breakfast of waffles and sausage without hesitation. I left Waterford after several hours, thankful that I persisted and went back. After all, one can never be quite sure how many paths you will take on a journey.
Coloring is an easy activity to enjoy with each other. It’s a good way to distract.We put together his new clock, an excellent purchase because of its easy-to-read display.
Reliving childhood and teenage memories with your own children can be positive but also negative. Playing in the woods, camping, and traveling would be in the positive categories. But then there are others.
This is Corey’s campsite in Jackson Hole, WY.
As soon as he turned twenty, Corey decided that Jackson Hole was his camping destination. The challenge? All of his friends were working which meant it would be a solo journey, camping in a tent. It also meant a 22-hour drive.
” Dad did this when he was 18″ were Corey’s comments. He was referring to Mitch’s Alaskan trip with a high school buddy. “Yes, but he traveled with another person,” I pointed out. ” He also camped many times,” I added. Corey’s camping adventures include one time with his brother and a high school group, family camping in a travel trailer, and one night tent camping with cousins. ” We were already in Jackson Hole two years ago, ” I reminded. ” What about recreating the same idea closer home? ” There’s nothing like Jackson Hole,” he stated. Sigh.
Parenting adult children is vastly different than the birth- eighteen range. Instead of pointing out dangers and concerns, you ask many questions until they are forced to answer. You bite your tongue to refrain from using a critical tone. Sometimes, silence is a good answer. I found myself praying for something to get in the way of this idea- a problem with his car, and unexpected meeting, anything!
However, my prayers were not answered in the way I wanted and none of our tactics worked with Corey, the determined, adventurous adult. ” Do you realize the distance?” we queried. ” Twenty- two hours is a long way by yourself,”. We resigned ourselves to this adventure and helped him pack. He drove out of the driveway, and we were left with our worries.
” I think I am going to declutter the basement,” I announced. Mitch immersed himself in work and fishing shows.
Unable to sleep, I found myself praying throughout the night. Mitch repeatedly checked his phone. “This is crazy!” I thought. I imagined all kinds of scenarios and none were positive.
When he finally reached the campsite, our hearts slowed down. I took some deep breaths. ” Are you having a good time?” I asked, in a fake kind of mom’s voice. Inside, I was thinking: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT KIND OF STRESS YOU ARE PUTTING US IN RIGHT NOW? Seeing his campsite on Facetime and hearing about his travels eased our worries. However, the return trip brought forth a new set of concerns: stormy weather.
When the tornado sirens went off, a set of different concerns filled our minds. As the rain pummeled the windows, I peered outside, looking for the familiar blue car. When he finally entered the house, I breathed a sigh of relief and thanks to God. I secretly hoped this was the last crazy journey, but one never knows.
A Journey Worth Remembering 