Low expectations, a phrase I forget to use, is important when caregiving or visiting elders. I often head into my visits with the opposite, so I need to coach myself before the visit. ” Low expectations, low expectations, ” I kept saying out loud while driving to Michigan.
As I drove closer to the exit, however, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of enthusiasm about the new water bottle. What a strange thing to get excited about! I was hopeful that the larger water bottle with horse stickers would prompt him to take better care of himself.
” Dad!” I greeted him enthusiastically. His smile and recognition filled me with happiness. “ Look what I brought you!”
He matched my enthusiasm with a greeting and an audible response. “Hey, that’s nice!”
Because he seemed happy and upbeat, I asked him if he wanted to head out for lunch. His response surprised me. ” Sounds great!”
Inside, I wondered if I was too optimistic. Could I really manage to take him to a local restaurant by myself? Hmmm…..
However, my optimism prompted me to prepare. The med techs took him to the bathroom, I located a vest for him to wear outside, and I filled out the necessary forms. But what about the transfer?
Despite a little bit of nervousness, I drove the van to the front door, wheeled him to the passenger door, and somehow helped him into the front seat. We high-fived each other when finished. It seemed like a small victory to see him sitting in our front seat.
” What a beautiful day!” we commented as the sun streamed through the van windows. The warm Michigan weather surprised us.
Driving into the restaurant parking lot, I wondered how I would get him out. Should I drop him off near the door, wheel him inside with the van parked near the ramp, and bring him outside? I decided to park since the parking lot was rather empty. Getting him out of the van seemed easier. “It’s always easier getting out, ” he observed.
The hostess greeted us and located a table easily accessible to his wheelchair. I reflected upon how the wheelchair makes one think about everything differently.
He examined the menu and decided upon a large hamburger called ” The Dutchman Supreme.” We laughed about the name, and I hoped the name alone would prompt him to eat more.
I felt more hopeful as time went on. He was eating everything! When the waitress asked about dessert, he pointed out a fudge cake. He was alert and asked me questions. We were sitting at a restaurant and he wasn’t sleeping!
As the meal continued, he started some deep coughing. Thankfully, it was a short episode, but I decided that we should end the meal. My goal was to have a positive experience.
Somehow, I managed to get him back into the van and we drove back to Waterford. “That was really nice, ” he commented. I agreed and marveled that it even happened.
We ended the visit with laundry folding, Bible reading, and me playing the piano. It was a remarkable day!
I decided to visit him the next day to see if the positive pattern would continue, but it was a short visit due to his extreme fatigue. Despite my attempts at asking him if he recognized the songs I played on the piano, he kept sleeping. “Dad!” I would say in a loud voice. The nurses smiled indulgently. However, I refused to let it discourage me.
I left Michigan happy that we had a wonderful visit. I will take a good visit with a bad one. One out of two isn’t bad at all!
A Journey Worth Remembering 