“If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed.”
― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
It would have been wise for me to read the above quote before heading to see my father. When he texted the question, ” When are you coming to visit?” I grew excited and decided that I would take him out to eat, proving that he could still head out to a local eatery. The thought made me smile. I also decided that I would tell my brother after it happened, in case he tried to dissuade me.
Upon arrival at Waterford, I learned that he was in a SAIDO session, the weekly educational enrichment class. I busied myself with the needed task of cleaning out his room of miscellaneous papers no longer needed.
When the nurse returned, wheeling him into the room, his response to my greeting was, ” I’m so tired.” Ignoring him, I announced that it would be a great day to get something to eat. “Whatever,” he answered.
I realized that taking him to a local restaurant would not work, so I wheeled him to Waterford’s restaurant. Seeing that he was sleeping, I decided to take him outside for a walk around the manicured grounds of Waterford. “Let me take your picture!” I urged him, with enthusiasm. ” Yeah,” he muttered, closing his eyes.
Undeterred by his lack of enthusiasm, I wheeled him around the pond. “Isn’t this amazing?” I asked. ” What’s so amazing about it?” he responded. I told him to stop being so grumpy and that Mom would tell him to think positively, but it fell on deaf ears.
After a round around the pond, I located a table at Waterford’s bistro. After ordering him a chicken salad, I encouraged him to eat, but he kept sleeping. Inwardly, I sighed, thinking about the waste of the purchase. A couple sat nearby, enjoying lunch. I noticed that she was feeding him and walked over to start a conversation. She shared how she was a former kindergarten teacher and that her husband was in memory care while she lived independently. I listened to her describe her life and marveled at her lack of bitterness or regret. “We’ve been married for 54 years. It’s been good!
I excused myself from the conversation when I noticed my father looking at me. When he uttered the word, “Bathroom” I felt some panic since we were some distance from the nurses’ station. Taking my father to the bathroom by myself was an adventure to avoid. I decided to ignore his statement and encouraged him to eat. He closed his eyes again.
When he repeated it, I decided to take him seriously and wheeled him back. “Too late,” he stated. The nurse rushed him to the bathroom. Moments later, I noticed the words, “Shower in D 101” on the nurse’s computer screen.
As I sat in the chair, the phrase ” high expectations” came to mind. I often have high expectations for our visits. By now, I should know that low expectations work better. Why is this so difficult?
When the nurse wheeled him back to me, I decided that the visit was over and headed out for some thrift shopping, a favorite hobby. While shopping, discouragement set in, like a dark fog. Why did I even come here? Driving back to Indiana sounded like a good alternative. However, an anticipated visit with a dear friend kept me in Michigan overnight.
I gave the next day a title: A 360-Degree Turnaround. He was still in his wheelchair, of course, but he was conversing and agreeable to my ideas of working on a word search and coloring. He ate the entire breakfast of waffles and sausage without hesitation. I left Waterford after several hours, thankful that I persisted and went back. After all, one can never be quite sure how many paths you will take on a journey.
A Journey Worth Remembering 